15 Years, 1 Love: Lessons from Our Journey Together

This year, Lucy and I celebrated 15 years of a beautiful marriage. It’s a milestone that brings with it a deep sense of gratitude, not just for how far we’ve come, but for everything we’ve learned along the way.

With four wonderful children, Malaika, Pius, Mercy, and Maria, our marriage has been and continues to be more than just a relationship. It’s been a foundation for our family, our faith, and our future.

We didn’t walk into marriage with all the answers (we still don’t), but over time, we’ve gained a few insights, mostly through experience, prayer, and sometimes learning the hard way. I’d like to share some of those lessons, not as an expert, but as someone who’s walked the road and is still learning. To those of you who are married, preparing for marriage, or walking a different path: I hope these reflections encourage you.

It’s patience, forgiveness, faith, and a willingness to keep showing up for each other, day after day, year after year. Marriage is both a blessing and a refining fire. It teaches, tests, shapes, and surprises you. But with God at the center, it can be one of the most beautiful experiences of your life.

Lucy and I have learned that tone matters more than timing, and listening is just as powerful as speaking. It’s not just about talking, it’s also about understanding. The way we speak to each other matters just as much as the words we use. Listening with patience and speaking with love changed everything for us.

One of the first (and hardest) lessons was learning how to truly communicate. We’re not yet where we want to be, but we’re better than we were 15 years ago. Grace-filled communication has carried us through many difficult conversations, and still does.

Neither of us is the same person we were when we said “I do.” And that’s something to celebrate. People grow and change. Lucy and I certainly did. And we learned to make space for that growth.

The version of us from 15 years ago no longer exists. The version 10 years from now will also be different, and that’s not a bad thing. Giving each other permission and space to grow has kept us from feeling stuck and has helped us thrive. We’ve learned to support each other’s evolving dreams and identities. We stopped expecting each other to stay the same, and started cheering each other on.

It looks different over time. Romance is wonderful, but the real beauty is in the everyday: a kind word, an unexpected hug, shared routines. These small moments build a bond that’s unshakable.

In the beginning, our love was loud, flowers (lol, we’re not really flower people, but yes, once in a while), long talks, definitely yes. These days, love is quieter: shared glances during chaos, the way we support each other with the kids, or those short prayers before bed.

It’s deeper now, and stronger. It’s less about big moments and more about small, steady acts of kindness - doing the dishes without asking, sharing inside jokes, or simply being present on tough days.

Lucy and I have had our share of struggles, some expected, others not. But through it all, we found ourselves growing not only as individuals but also as a couple. With God’s help, wise counsel, and a commitment to work through the hard times, we’ve come out stronger, not perfectly, but together.

Watch out for the “small” unresolved fights, therein is usually the straw that eventually breaks the back of the camel. It’s not about having a perfect marriage, it’s about refusing to give up on each other.

This one surprised me. Giving each other room to grow individually; spiritually, emotionally, personally, has actually brought us closer.

Over the years, we discovered the importance of personal space, having time for ourselves, pursuing our individual interests, and recharging. A healthy marriage has boundaries and breathing room. It’s not a threat to intimacy; it’s a pillar of it.

Encouraging each other’s passions has deepened our connection. Let your spouse grow, let them fly and touch the skies, let them be free to discover themselves and flourish. A healthy marriage allows both partners to be fully themselves.

Our story isn’t finished. But after 15 years, we enjoy a more grounded kind of connection, one built on shared history, mutual respect, and lots of prayer.

We’re still learning, still falling, still loving, and still saying yes. We surely haven’t been perfect in many ways and many moments, but through God’s grace, commitment, and a lot of prayer, Lucy and I have built something that we’re proud of and that our children, Malaika, Pius, Mercy, and Maria, can grow up seeing as a foundation of love.