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Building Bonds: The Power of Doing Things with Your Children

Beyond individual development, the presence of fathers in the home significantly contributes to the overall well-being of the family unit (Fatherhood Initiative, 2024). Research indicates that 70% of inmates in the USA grew up in homes without a father figure. The statistics are even higher among juvenile detainees, with 80% of children in juvenile detention having grown up without a father figure. These statistics reveal the importance of having engaged parents, emphasizing that parents’ influence over their children is built through doing things with them rather than simply doing things for them.

Human nature drives us to gravitate toward and build bonds with those in close proximity, especially those who actively engage with us. This principle applies to parenting as well. It's common these days to hear parents lament about their children’s lack of affection, saying things like, “I bought you a car, paid your tuition, but you treat me like a stranger.” The reality is that without building a bond with your child, you remain a stranger in their life. By consistently doing things for your children instead of doing things with them, you risk creating a sense of entitlement in them.

The good news is that it’s never too late for us as parents to rebuild our relationships with our children and nurture a generation of children who are not entitled. This requires effort and a willingness to adopt new practices. Regardless of what our parents did or didn’t do for us, we, the parents of this generation, have the opportunity to leave a legacy of being role models and exemplifying positive values in our homes.

Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends & Influence People, reminds us (paraphrasing) that although we might enjoy a good steak or pork rib, when we go fishing, we should use worms to catch fish. For us parents, the “worm” is the time and effort we invest in doing things with our children, despite our busy schedules and the challenges of daily life.

Ronald Kazibwe with 1 of his children

Let me share my parenting experience, which has been a journey of growth and learning. I began my parenting journey by babysitting my godson (my nephew) Brian during my high school vacation. Over time, I’ve learned that my family is my home team, and I am the coach. Like any coach, I need to be present and engaged with my team—not just physically but also by embodying positive values and character.

I don’t just celebrate my family; I celebrate with my family members in their achievements. Doing things for your children is easy, and any absentee parent can do that. In my home, I chose the more challenging path of doing things with my family. Home was my first school and church, and I want to provide the same foundation for my family.

I dream with my home team, so that they learn the value of sharing their dreams with me. As a parent, let your children into your world. “Do you plan to build a house, invest in property, or learn a new skill?” Let your children glimpse your dreams. This openness will encourage them to share their dreams with you, providing an opportunity for you to guide them in making life choices.

By engaging in simple tasks with my family, I teach them the value of work. When parents demonstrate that work is a gift rather than a punishment, they instill a strong work ethic. One of the favorite moments of our youngest daughter, Gisela, is making the bed with her parents. Through this simple task, we have built a strong bond and discussed the value of achieving something through effort and intelligence.

Ronald Kazibwe with 2 of his children

We also pray together and attend spiritual activities like retreats as a family. My children witness their coach praising, giving thanks, repenting and submitting to God. What qualifies you as a parent to lead is your ability to follow. This experience teaches them about submission, generosity, gratitude, and love. They are learning to navigate the unfair and unpredictable world.

One Christmas, our eldest daughter, Grata, exemplified love and generosity. We gave her money to buy a new dress, but she returned with three. She had noticed two siblings who always wore the same dresses to church and reasoned that their parents might not buy them new clothes for Christmas. She opted for a cheaper dress and bought three for the price of one. Her thoughtfulness brought me to tears, knowing she would be well-prepared for the world when the time comes.

Napoleon Hill, in his book Think and Grow Rich, asserts that “whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Home is where you go when the world has bruised you, and as parents, it’s our duty to create that refuge for our children early on. We must model assurance and stability so that our children know they always have a home to return to, no matter the circumstances.

We should ask God for the grace and guidance to be the parents we need to be. Some will read this article and take it seriously, while others may not. However, as a parent, you are accountable to God for the influence you have in your family. To whom much is given, much will be asked.

Join us every last Friday of the month for The Couple Bonding Conversations, where we have insightful conversations about marriage and related themes like parenting. Visit our website www.thecouplebinders.com and subscribe or follow us on our media channel under the name; The couple binders.

Ronald Kazibwe

Ronald is a social worker with expertise in child development. Together with his wife, Lucy Peace Nantume, they are passionate about helping couples to thrive in their marriages. They are “The Couple Binders.” Visit their website www.thecouplebinders.com for more details about them and what they do.

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