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The Other Woman – And Why She’s Not the Measure of Your Marriage

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One of the questions I’ve been asked over and over is:
“What would you do if you found out about another woman?”

It’s as if the presence or absence of infidelity is the ultimate yardstick for whether a marriage is “successful.” But the truth is, while adultery is a serious wound, it is not the only measure of a marriage’s health or worth.

Traditionally, Women Have Been the Main Victims

For generations, when the topic of adultery came up, it was often men doing the cheating and women bearing the pain. Culturally, especially in African societies, patriarchy has normalised it for men, the “boys will be boys” excuse, while women have been shamed and condemned for the same act. This is unjust, unbiblical, and deeply damaging.

But today, the story is shifting. Recent DNA scandals in Uganda have shown that women, too, are stepping outside their vows, with devastating consequences. Families are being torn apart, trust is collapsing, and children are left in emotional and identity crises. To my fellow women: we must stop.

Adultery is not empowerment. It is not “just moving on because he hurt you first.” It is sin.

“You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14)
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived… neither the sexually immoral nor adulterers… will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

Call It by its name - Adultery

Cheating is not “just how life is.” It is not “a mistake.” It is adultery, and it dishonours you, your spouse, your vows, and God Himself.

Marriage is a covenant, not a casual relationship. Both men and women are called to a high standard of morality. The tools to live out this standard are available, chief among them being the Holy Spirit. Self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) is a gift for both sexes. If you are married, guard your heart, your mind, and your body from anyone who is not your spouse. Stop excusing the sin of adultery in yourself or in others.

How Adultery Usually Starts

Adultery is rarely “an accident.” Unless it’s sexual assault (which is a different matter entirely), it’s the result of choices:

Letting another person into emotional or physical space that belongs only to your spouse.
Sharing intimate details about your marriage with someone who is not your spouse.
Entertaining flirtation or suggestive conversations.
Spending time in private or emotionally charged settings where boundaries blur.

Small cracks become big breaks.

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If You’ve Been Betrayed – Handling ‘The Other Woman’

When you find out about “the other woman,” the temptation to lash out is real. But attacking her will not heal you and it might harm you further. Here’s why:

Your spouse collaborated. Whatever means she used, it worked because your spouse opened that door.
Fighting her gives her too much importance. She is not the one who vowed to love, honour, and cherish you.
Your dignity matters. Acting in anger can damage your reputation and your peace.

Instead:

1. Protect yourself. Get tested for STIs, and deal with the spiritual contamination that can come from sexual sin, what I call “sexually transmitted demons.”

2. Seek help. Find wise, discreet counsel from mentors, religious leaders, or therapists.

3. Heal intentionally. Whether you stay or leave, bitterness will destroy you from the inside. Choose the healing process.

4. Allow for consequences. Forgiveness is not the same as pretending nothing happened.

If You’re ‘The Other Woman’

To any woman knowingly involved with a married man:

You are helping to destroy a covenant you did not make, and God will hold you accountable.
The same man betraying his wife can betray you.
You are worth more than secret meetings and stolen moments.

Stop. Honour yourself enough to wait for a relationship that is whole and honourable.

Your Worth is More Than Your Marriage Status

If you’ve been betrayed, remember: your worth is not defined by your spouse’s choices. Being a wife is only one part of who you are. You can still thrive in your faith, purpose, work, and relationships.

This is why I created Thrive Oh Wife 19, a safe space for women to heal, rediscover themselves, and grow in every part of life.

Starting October 2nd

We begin an 8-week online journey for women seeking to uncover their purpose, potential and true identity – in marriage and beyond.

To register or learn more, contact me on +256 782055166 or +256 70256757.

You are more than the betrayal. You are more than the hurt. You are whole.

Lucy Peace Nantume

Co-founder – The Couple Binders

Lucy is a wife, mother, daughter, and friend striving to serve God with her whole life. She is a lawyer with expertise in human rights and the Vice Chairperson, of the Board of Directors – FIDA Uganda. Together with her husband, Ronald Kazibwe, they are passionate about helping couples to thrive in their marriages. They are “The Couple Binders.” Visit their website www.thecouplebinders.com for more details about them and what they do.

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