The Other Woman, The Other Man - And Why They’re Not the Measure of Your Marriage

One of the questions I’ve been asked over and over is:
“What would you do if you found out about another woman?”

It’s as if the presence or absence of infidelity is the ultimate yardstick for whether a marriage is “successful.” But the truth is, while adultery is a serious wound, it is not the only measure of a marriage’s health or worth.

Let’s be clear: cheating is not “just how life is.” It is not “just a mistake.” It is not “normal for men” or “something women should expect.” It is adultery, and the Bible is explicit about it being a sin.

“You shall not commit adultery.”  (Exodus 20:14)
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral… nor adulterers… will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

In some cultures, patriarchy has created a dangerous double standard: a man’s unfaithfulness is excused as “boys will be boys,” while women are shamed and condemned for the same act. This is not only unjust, it is unbiblical. God’s standard for marriage is the same for both men and women: faithfulness, honour, and mutual respect.

Adultery is not just a private “issue between two people.” It is a deliberate crossing of covenant boundaries and a deep act of disrespect to the betrayed spouse, the marriage vows, and God Himself.

In relationships, disrespect can show up in many ways: neglect, belittling words, dishonesty, but adultery cuts deeper because it breaks the sacred exclusivity that marriage was built on.

Marriage is not a casual arrangement; it is a covenant. In this covenant, both spouses are called to a high standard of morality. The tools to live out this standard are available to us, chief among them being the Holy Spirit.

Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and it is available to both men and women. If you are married, you have the responsibility to guard your heart, your mind, and your body from anyone who is not your spouse. Stop excusing the sin of adultery.

Adultery is rarely “an accident.” Many unfaithful spouses say, “I don’t know how it happened.” Unless it was sexual assault (which is a completely different matter), there was a series of choices:

• Allowing another person emotional or physical space that belongs only to your spouse.

• Sharing intimate details about your marriage with someone of the opposite sex.

• Flirting or entertaining suggestive conversations.

• Spending time in private or compromising settings with them.

These “small” cracks slowly weaken the wall of commitment until it collapses.

To the men and women who have been betrayed: your value is not defined by your spouse’s actions. Being a husband or wife is only one part of your identity. If one part of life is wounded, you can still thrive in others: faith, purpose, career, friendships, and calling.

This is why I created Thrive Oh Wife 19 - a safe space for women to rediscover themselves, heal, and grow.

We launch an 8-week online programme to help women rediscover their identity, heal, grow, and thrive in marriage and beyond. Sessions are once a week.

📩 To register or learn more, contact me on +256 782055166 or +256 70256757.

You are more than the betrayal. You are more than the hurt. YOU ARE WHOLE.