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What's in a Name? Reflections on Identity and Marriage

13th December of every year is the feast day of St. Lucy, my patron saint. Lucy is my baptised name, chosen by my father. The name Lucy means "light", and I believe it is a very befitting name! Among other things, St. Lucy is the patron saint of the blind and those with eye troubles. My father likely didn’t know how prophetic his choice was—nine months after my birth, I had an accident that resulted in the loss of sight in my left eye. I trust that my patron saint’s intercession helps me navigate the challenges that come with partial blindness. Additionally, I believe I am a child of the light. Wherever I go, I strive to brighten up spaces.

Peace is the name my mother gave me. She said my older sister cried so much as a

baby that when I came along, she couldn’t believe how peaceful I was. I try to live up

to that name by striving for peace, though my personality—often categorized as

"Red"—sometimes competes with the tranquility my name suggests.

Nantume is my cultural name. As a Muganda from the Mbogo clan, this name carries cultural significance. The closest related word in my language, "mutume," means "the one who is sent." I also have a fourth name, Kigongo, traditionally given to someone followed by twins. Since the twins arrived two years later, I did not officially adopt this name.

I find all my names befitting, and I have grown to love them dearly. This morning, as I reflected on my names, my thoughts turned to a question I am often asked: Why don’t you use your husband’s name? Officially, I do not use my husband’s traditional name, Kazibwe, though I don’t mind being addressed as Mrs. Kazibwe informally. To some, this is a delicate issue. There is an implicit assumption that a married woman will take on her husband’s name, and deviation from this norm often invites questions or even criticism. Some view it as a form of insubordination.

The famous line from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet comes to mind: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” While names may not define a person’s worth, they carry meaning, aspirations, and a sense of belonging. Ask parents who spend countless hours choosing the perfect name for their child or individuals who change their names to better align with their life’s journey, and you’ll understand how significant a name can be.

Lucy Peace Nantume with her namesake at church on 13th Dec 2024.

Marriage often brings about the question of name changes. The practice of a woman taking her husband’s name is deeply rooted in tradition and cultural norms. Reasons for this include adherence to culture, the notion of a woman belonging to her husband, social recognition and acceptance, and fostering a sense of unity through a shared name. However, there is a growing number of women choosing not to take on their husbands' names, and I am among them. Here are my reasons:

I Love My Names: They are a core part of my identity and heritage, established long before I got married. Adding another name feels unnecessary.
Practicality: My names already fill the limited spaces on forms and documents. Adding another name would only complicate matters further.
Unity Beyond Names: If a shared name symbolizes unity, why doesn’t the husband take the wife’s name or both partners adopt a new, joint name? Unity in marriage goes far beyond a shared surname.
Individuality: Marriage unites two individuals, but it does not erase their separate identities and histories. Each partner brings their unique self to the union.

Historically, women like suffragist Lucy Stone challenged this tradition. In 1855, she refused to take her husband’s name, making a powerful statement about individuality and equality. Her legacy inspires many women today who choose to retain their birth names.

Before marriage, my husband and I discussed this topic. Interestingly, taking his name wasn’t something he was passionate about. He fully supported my decision and even advocates for women keeping their names. Perhaps he will share his reasons in his own article someday.

For anyone grappling with the question of a name change after marriage, it’s important to know that it is not a legal requirement. It is an option, and some men may feel strongly about it. Open communication with your spouse is crucial to reaching an agreement that works for both of you. If you do choose to take your spouse’s name, ensure you complete the legal processes involved—a wedding alone does not legally confer his name on you.

Ultimately, what matters most is the quality of your marriage, not the names you bear. Invest in building a strong, loving relationship for the glory of God. Whether or not you take your husband’s name, focus on making your marriage work.

Happy feast day to all my namesakes. May St. Lucy intercede for us!

Lucy Peace Nantume

Lucy is a wife, mother, daughter, and friend striving to serve God with her whole life. She is a lawyer with expertise in human rights. Together with her husband, Ronald Kazibwe, they are passionate about helping couples to thrive in their marriages. They are “The Couple Binders.” Visit their website www.thecouplebinders.com for more details about them and what they do.

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