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When He Won’t Seek Help: Finding Strength as a Wife

Lucy with some of her lady friends - all wives.

Dear Wife,

I see you. I see your efforts, your prayers, your tears, and your unwavering hope for your marriage to thrive. I know it can feel lonely when you are the one seeking help, reading books, attending seminars, or even just desiring to improve your marriage while your husband seems unmoved, uninterested, or oblivious. It can feel unfair, discouraging, and exhausting.

But I want to encourage you today—you are not alone, and your efforts are not in vain.

Many men struggle with seeking help for their marriages. They may not be as expressive about relationship matters as we are, and they may not see issues the same way we do. Just as they are naturally inclined to ensure the car is running, the bills are paid, and the house is standing, we, as wives, often find ourselves at the heart of keeping the love and connection alive. And that is okay. It does not mean they do not care; it just means their way of showing care is different.

So, dear wife, take heart. If your husband is not as enthusiastic as you are about working on your marriage, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Pray About It – Prayer is powerful. It not only invites God to work in your marriage, but it also transforms you. It helps you remain hopeful and strengthens your ability to love, even when things feel difficult.

2. Do Not Be Angry – Frustration and resentment can easily creep in when you feel like you are carrying the emotional weight of the marriage alone. But bitterness will only create more distance between you and your husband. Instead, choose love, patience, and understanding.

3. Do Not Give Up – Just because he is not showing interest today does not mean he never will. Sometimes, the seeds you plant take time to grow. Keep being the light in your home, and you may find him responding in ways you never expected.

4. Recognize Strengths and Weaknesses – Your husband may not be good at discussing emotions, but he may be showing love in other ways—providing, protecting, or even just being present. Learn to see the strengths in your relationship rather than focusing only on the weaknesses.

5. Lead with Grace – Just as husbands often take the lead in ensuring the home runs smoothly in certain areas, we as wives can take the lead in nurturing the love and connection. This is not a burden—it is a gift. A well-loved home is a powerful thing, and your influence as a wife matters more than you know.

Throughout history, women have taken the mantle to bring change to their circumstances. Think of Queen Esther—she used wisdom, courage, and faith to save her people. Ruth, through loyalty and perseverance, secured a blessed future. Deborah led her people with strength and wisdom. These women did not wait for someone else to act; they stepped forward and made a difference. Just like them, you can shape your marriage and home with love, wisdom, and patience.

At The Couple Binders, we are passionate about helping marriages thrive. Through our work, we provide practical guidance, real-life lessons, and encouragement to couples who desire to strengthen their bond. We believe that every marriage has the potential to flourish when both partners commit to growth and understanding. You are not alone on this journey, and we are here to walk alongside you. Visit our website for details. www.thecouplebinders.com

Marriage is a journey of love, learning, and grace. Keep sowing the seeds of love, and in time, you will reap a beautiful harvest.

You are doing an incredible job. Keep going, dear wife.

With love and encouragement,

Lucy Peace Nantume

Lucy is a wife, mother, daughter, and friend striving to serve God with her whole life. She is a lawyer with expertise in human rights. Together with her husband, Ronald Kazibwe, they are passionate about helping couples to thrive in their marriages. They are “The Couple Binders.” Visit their website www.thecouplebinders.com for more details about them and what they do.

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